100 Best Petty Instagram Captions (2024) – CoolGoodCaptions

Everyone’s lives have been affected by the digital revolution, and how we do things has changed forever. Discover the best Petty Instagram Captions to help you deal with people who dislike you.

When you become famous on social media, you attract both fans and trolls and should learn to deal with both. As your popularity grows among Online users, so will the number of people who actively try to bring it down. The best way to put down your haters or fake friends is with the help of some clever Instagram captions for selfies.

Good Short Petty Instagram Captions (2022)

The number of people who use the Internet has grown over the years, and it keeps growing every day. People use social media like Instagram, Facebook, and WhatsApp for everything, including business and personal information. It can be hard to find the right words to describe how you feel or how angry you are. Try out our special Petty Quotes for Instagram selfies that will show others exactly how you feel.

Petty Instagram Captions

  • I feel sorry for people who don’t drink because when they wake up in the morning, that is the best they are going to feel all day.
  • I had a drink the other day…and then I decided to have another one.
  • I know I’m lucky that I’m so cute.
  • I looked up “adorable” in the dictionary and it said, “see me.”
  • I think that is why they call them ‘happy’ memories instead of ‘perfect’ memories.
  • I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
  • I was born with my eyes closed…maybe that’s why they are always shut.
  • I was going to make a joke but then something terrible happened and I forgot what it was!
  • I was just looking at my phone and then suddenly the sky became dark.
  • I’m not clumsy, I just have a lot of magic in my hands.
  • I’m not trying to be funny, but it’s kinda hard when you’re this cute!
  • A bad attitude will get you everywhere…just not into my car!
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and have their shoes!
  • Dime piece.
  • Life isn’t perfect. But my Hair is!
  • Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s about learning how to dance in it.
  • It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it’s hilarious!
  • It was a dark and stormy night…and then I took out the trash.
  • If you’re nice to me, I’ll be mean to you.
  • If you’re honestly happy, fuck what other people think.
  • If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.
  • If I had one wish it would be for more wishes to come true.
  • I feel so blessed to have the opportunity of being a blessing.
  • I don’t have a drinking problem…I drink, I get drunk. No problem!
  • I don’t always lose weight by running away from cookies…but when I do, it works.
  • I am not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens!
  • I am Mine before anyone else.
  • My dentist told me that my teeth are just as white as anyone else’s and I believed her until now!
  • My fairy godmother told me I would go to the ball, and now here I am!
  • My reputation precedes me because it usually follows behind.


Petty Captions For Instagram

Petty Captions For Instagram
  • Proof that I can do selfies better than you.
  • Queens do not compete with hoes.
  • Some people are like Slinkies…not good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  • Some people say I don’t think before I speak…but they can never understand my genius because they aren’t as smart as me.
  • Someone needs to invent glasses for blind people with cats in them!
  • Sore today. Strong tomorrow.
  • The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.
  • The other day I was thinking about what makes me happy…then I thought, “I know!”
  • There are only two people in life you should trust: one is you and the other isn’t me!
  • There’s always a wild side to an innocent face.
  • They say laughter is the best medicine. That’s why my doctor gives me a new prescription every month!
  • This is where your IQ drops 100 points…watch out!
  • Turn ya savage up and lose ya feelings.
  • When you want Cinderella’s dress but all they have is ‘Ariel’ in your size!
  • When your mom says you can’t dye your hair orange because it doesn’t look good on redheads but then she does it herself.
  • You can call me queen bee.
  • You can’t afford my Swag Bitch! #selfie
  • You don’t need a king to be a queen.
  • You mean I have to leave the house when that’s my good side?
  • You’re only young once but you can always be immature!

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Petty Instagram Captions for Haters

Petty Instagram Captions for Haters
  • We are all made in the image of God! We should not envy one another and applaud one another upon achievement!
  • Too bad you can’t photoshop an ugly personality!
  • This is what makes me keep going!!
  • There comes an age where u realize a smile is all you need, to live happily! And that’s I gotta this life!
  • So, take it back all of this bullshit that you gave me.
  • People hate you because of the way that other people love you.
  • I’m more famous than you. So, b*tch please don’t hallucinate.
  • Don’t stop me now!
  • Believe in yourself, God has sent you on earth for some special task.
  • Be passionate. Be positive. Be attractive.

Petty Instagram Captions for Your Ex

Petty Instagram Captions for Your Ex
  • Confuse them with your silence & amaze them with your actions
  • Fight or fuck*ng die. It’s really simple. Why do people make life so complex?
  • I prefer being myself whatever you say.
  • I’m sunshine mixed with a little hurricane ☉
  • It’s not that you need to be within your limits, it means you must flow with control.
  • Reality is just intangible, what we do not believe is something that we cannot see.
  • Sending my photo to NASA ’cause I’m a star
  • So, don’t blame me for my attitude.
  • Tell me not to do something, I’ll do it twice and take a picture.
  • When a monkey puts on makeup. It is still the same monkey.
  • Your Priorities Decide Your Attitude!!
  • Life Goes on.
  • You can’t spell ex without ‘me.’
  • We broke up because I said, “I don’t love you anymore.” He told me to go screw myself…so I did!
  • My last name doesn’t start with an A so yeah
  • I don’t need a relationship; I just want to make you jealous.
  • Single and ready to mingle…which means going out with my cat every night.
  • My ex is about as useful as one of those little umbrellas in your drink!
  • I’m not passing you a tissue. Get your own!
  • Not sure which is more annoying, the sound of crying or his face?
  • I don’t care about your opinion… #YourFaceSucks
  • I’ll never be as good at it as I was with you.
  • My life is better now that you’re not in it!
  • It’s a sad day when the only person who cares enough to send a text message is my dog.
  • I’m not even mad that you’re gone, I just don’t like the idea of someone else having your attention.
  • I’ll never feel what I felt for you ever again…and it feels great!
  • The only thing worse than loving an ex is hating them too much to delete their number.
  • You were my last first kiss.
  • I’ll always remember how you broke my heart…and smile about it!
  • At least now the only person I have to fight over is myself.
  • Just because we’re not a thing, doesn’t mean that your opinion isn’t invalidated.
  • If all exes looked like you then I would never leave my house.
  • I don’t need a relationship, I just want to make you jealous!
  • It’s weird how I never see him anymore…
  • He couldn’t handle me on my worst day, so he must hate me now.
  • You’re not sorry, you just hate losing.
  • I’ll be seeing you soon…in my nightmares!
  • Your ex is my next profile pic
  • I’d rather have my ex’s arms around me than your face in front of me.
  • My new bae is better than an old flame any day!
  • don’t miss you, I just miss things being easier.
  • Don’t worry about it…we’re over for a good reason
  • Every ex has a story and mine is ridiculously tragic.
  • I tried to let go, but now I know that wasn’t your fault; it was always me.
  • Life’s too short for bad relationships…and almost as short for doing dishes!
  • wish we didn’t break up so we could still be friends.
  • He was a jerk anyway.
  • Never say never, because I just might run into your ass at the store one day!
  • There’s no such thing as exes…just people who haven’t gotten over each other yet.
  • I’m parting ways with you and keeping my friends, thank you very much.
  • You’re not worth the tears that I cry when we talk; all they do is make me miss your lies.

Good Petty Instagram Captions

Good Petty Instagram Captions
  • Didn’t I see your face on an episode of Cops?
  • Don’t trust people with two first names because there’ll always be someone else in your life too.
  • I did your laundry…minus the clothes of course!
  • I don’t know why everyone thinks we broke up, my dog is still madly in love with me.
  • I don’t miss you…in fact, I’ve been meaning to thank my cat for eating your dog!
  • I have a long list of exes and the reason it’s so short is because I’m always adding to it.
  • I have nothing to say…so I’ll just stare at you creepily!
  • I just filed for divorce…and got an apartment!
  • I’d say ‘Welcome back, but you were never really gone.
  • If you were a booger I would pick you first.
  • If you were a fruit, you’d be the perfect blend.
  • If you’re gonna act like an ex then I’m going to treat you like one.
  • I’ll be attending your funeral for free because that’s what you get when you just disappear on me.
  • I’m not having fun at the party without you…in fact, it’s quite boring!
  • I’m sorry I’m such a bitch, I must have gotten my period at the wrong time of day again.
  • My main goal for this year is to make your life miserable because clearly, I’m obsessed with you.
  • When I fell for you, all of my common sense disappeared.
  • You’ll always be my second choice…but it’s probably for the best since you were never even a first pick.
  • You’re like a fart; I can smell you when you leave but never see where you went.
  • You’re not getting older, you’re just turning into me!

Clever Petty Instagram Captions

Clever Petty Instagram Captions
  • Are these pants too tight? Because they’re squeezing all the juice out of me. #sosograteful
  • Can you please stop trying to take my picture?
  • Did I do that pose right or am I just being awkward?
  • Do you think my eyes are glowing in this photo? #illuminati
  • Don’t mind my grassy knoll, it’s just here for dramatic effect.
  • I don’t think that outfit is flattering…and also, it also makes me sad inside.
  • I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit at all! #noshoesmatchtheoutfit
  • I think Bigfoot is real…and he has a girlfriend and she looks just like me.
  • I think my third eye is telling me to delete this photo.
  • I think this is a mean picture of me…but can we still be friends?
  • I, for one, am shocked that this selfie didn’t get more likes…shocked!
  • If I hear one more joke about how ugly my shoes are…I swear to god!
  • If you don’t like my outfit, then why are you posting the photo?
  • If you’re going to be a hater, I hope you have the money for my lawyer.
  • I’m going to delete this photo as soon as I figure out how.
  • I’m not a doctor, but I am pretty sure that’s herpes on your lip.
  • I’m not sure if I should ask you to be my friend or buy this for $20.
  • My mom is going to kill me if she sees this photo. -said no one ever
  • Nope, nothing is wrong with me except your face. Lol…just kidding
  • Sorry, I need to put my makeup on before we take this picture.
  • That’s okay! You can take the picture and I’ll just Photoshop myself later.

Petty Instagram Captions For Selfies

Petty Instagram Captions For Selfies (2022)
  • Can someone please take this selfie for me? My arm is tired.
  • Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend thinks so too!
  • Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.
  • Feeling down? Just do what I did; take some pictures of yourself in the mirror and post them on social media.
  • I might look like a mess, but at least my outfit is on point!
  • I promise, my eyes aren’t always this red… it’s just mascara tears after watching The Notebook. Again.
  • I saw this shade of lipstick on Pinterest and it was gorgeous…until my dog licked me. #sadtimes
  • I used to think that the worst thing in life would be to end up all alone until they invented mirrors!
  • If looks could kill, it would be illegal to call me cute right now.
  • If this doesn’t make me Insta famous nothing will.
  • If you don’t follow me on Instagram then you must hate puppies and kittens because I post about them all the time!
  • If you want to be my friend, first you have to get on your knees…
  • If you want to make things right with me, I’ll be under the mistletoe in five minutes. #getyourassoverhere
  • I’m not a bad driver, I just lack good judgment.
  • I’m not saying I want you back, but I’m plotting your demise.
  • I’m not short, I’m concentrated greatness!
  • I’m only wearing sunglasses so you can’t see I’ve been crying.
  • It’s been a rough day…I even got mistaken for an ATM this morning.
  • Life is too short for fake friends and real enemies! #byehaters
  • Life’s a beach and then you tan…I’m golden brown. #blessed
  • My ex-boyfriend just asked me to get back together with him…I’m thinking yes!
  • My hobbies include: doing my makeup and taking selfies…I’m such a lady!
  • When they say “Don’t cry over spilled milk”, I’m really wondering why I can’t. #seriouslywtf
  • Who needs friends when you have Instagram?
  • You’re so shallow that your reflection can’t even be seen in a puddle of water!

Petty Captions for Instagram Pictures

Petty Captions for Instagram Pictures
  • Can you see the – f*ck you – in my smile?
  • Don’t hate me because your ex is ugly.
  • Don’t worry about falling in love with someone else; just focus on falling in love with yourself!
  • I don’t care if I have to fake smile all day, at least it’s getting me Instagram likes.
  • I don’t care if you hate my selfies; I’m the one who has to look at them when I get home!
  • I´m sexy, and I know it!
  • I’m not ignoring you; I just can’t hear anything past my own thoughts.
  • I’m not saying this is my best selfie ever…but yeah it’s my BEST selfie EVER!!!
  • I’m sorry; I didn’t realize the mirror was in selfie mode.
  • Stop acting like you’re my friend and actually be there for me!
  • You can say no to drugs but you cannot say no to the D! #drugsarebadbtw

Petty Breakup Instagram Captions

Petty Breakup Instagram Captions
  • Be free.
  • Break up
  • I am trying to kill you inside of me, so I can live.
  • I Hate When We Fight
  • I have now come to the realization, I deserve more than you.
  • Is this what love means?
  • It’s so difficult
  • Just because Someone gave up on you, doesn’t mean someone won’t recognize your worth. Why cry and shout when the other person doesn’t give a f*ck about it.
  • Let the waves crash and the sun is set and the boy leave
  • My heart only breaks for you
  • No one to blame but myself
  • Sometimes it’s better to stay silent and let the universe answer all those questions and allegations which the world puts on you.
  • Start loving yourself before you want someone to love you. Take care of yourself before you want to be taken care of
  • Why can’t you feel the same towards me?
  • You’ve never really had your heart broken until you have to block and delete everything after a breakup, deadass this shit hurts so bad

Petty Quotes for Instagram

Petty Quotes for Instagram
  • Beware of those who attribute petty instructions to God. – Abdul Sattar Edhi
  • Party loyalty lowers the greatest men to the petty level of the masses. – Jean De La Bruyere
  • Our thoughts are broadcasts of the soul, not secrets of the brain. Kind ones bring us happiness; petty ones, untold pain. – Ritu Ghatourey
  • Never fear being a petty fool it means you ain’t dying. – Timothy Spall
  • I fly because it releases my mind from the tyranny of petty things. – Antoine de Saint- Exupéry
  • Gradually the feeling wears off, and I feel swamped again by the inexplicable pettiness of being alive. – Sebastian Faulks
  • Reproof should not exhaust its power upon petty failings. – Samuel Johnson
  • The art of giving orders is not to try to rectify the minor blunders and not to be swayed by petty doubts. – Sun Tzu
  • The constant petty behests of life permit few opportunities for major satisfactions, and when one is offered it should be seized. – Rex Stout
  • The petty man wants to use God for himself; the ambitious man wants God to use him for God. – Criss Jami
  • Why, man, he doth bestride the narrow world. Like a Colossus; and we petty men. Walk under his huge legs, and peep about. To find ourselves dishonorable graves. – William Shakespeare

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